hope

As stated in a recent post, TL has encouraged me to “enjoy the ride” on the journey of a new budding relationship with a man whom I will refer to as Elis.

One of my fears concerning this new relationship was regarding my feelings for TL. In my grief, I’ve held onto TL so tightly that I’ve been afraid of coming to a place where either I have to let go or I one day discover that he’s slowly faded away from my life and is no longer present. TL was my solid rock that I leaned on for one of the most, if not the most, difficult years of my life thus far.

A few weeks ago, I was listening to a podcast on YouTube by Anne Tucker. In that video, she spoke about some of her fears while pregnant with her second child – fears of what would happen to her feelings and behaivors towards her first child. Would she stop loving the child? Would she be so consumed by the new child that she would forget about the first child? No. Her heart and capacity to love expanded to embrace a 2^nd child into her life while continuing to love and care for her first child. I never had children and am thankful to Anne for sharing this experience in her life. This message came exactly when I needed it and gave me hope that things would be okay.

As Elis and I continue to spend time together, I’m still regularly talking to TL and telling him how much I miss him and love him. I still lean on him and ask for his guidance and opinions. To my surprise, my love for and relationship with TL and his presence with me from beyond the veil is just as strong. Sure, I am beginning to focus on other things more and things are changing. But, you know what? He’s still with me and he hasn’t faded into the background!

Anne was right – hearts expand to incorporate the new.